TV Adventure

I just recently moved apartments, so I found myself the other day shopping for a TV, since neither my roommate nor I wanted the TV that we used to have. It’s not that there was anything wrong with it; it’s just that the thing was huge, and not like flat screen invite your friends over to watch the Super Bowl big. I mean like those old box shaped TVs that weigh about a ton. I’m pretty sure that after we went to sleep, our TV went out and pillaged towns and ate small children alive. So Chris just basically dropped it a few times and then dumped it besides a dumpster.

So anyway, I was standing in a Best Buy, looking at a wall of beautiful TVs, and I could think only one thing as I stared at the amazing clarity and bright colors: There is no way I can afford any of these. These things were going into the four digit price range. That’s twice what I spent on my first car. Plus, I’m not a huge TV guy. I spent my entire sophomore year without a TV and did just fine except that now I have a tendency to name inanimate objects and have conversations with them.

Anyway, my lack of knowledge about TVs really showed when I started talking to one of the sales guys. You know how they say you should always do research before you go to make a big purchase? Well I never do. This is the conversation that I had with the guy.

Sales Associate: “So what kind of TV are you looking for today?”

Me: “A cheap one.”

Sales Associate: “Is an LCD what you’re looking for?”

Me: “No thanks, I don’t do drugs.”

Sales Associate: “This one has HDMI as well as AV capabilities.”

Me: “I think the doctor already gave me shots for those.”

Now, another thing you should know about me: I’m a pushover when it comes to buying things. Some people like to bargain and are mean and spit at their dealers. I on the other hand am about as assertive as an 11-year-old. I will trust anything the dealer says to me and buy whatever he points at. Combine this with my aforementioned tendency to not know anything about what I’m buying plus the fact that I’m too lazy to shop around and you can understand why you should never leave me in charge of making important purchases. For instance, I failed to notice that my car does not have one of its back headrests. Although in my defense, I never test drove the car from the back seat.

So he finally sold me on a $300 32-inch TV made by some generic company that I have never heard of that I’m pretty sure is headquartered somewhere in Nicaragua. Now the first sign that something was wrong was when this guy brings out the box. It looked like it was opened and then re-taped by either a very retarded three-year old with Parkinson’s or an animal without opposable thumbs, like a beaver. When I asked him about this, he mumbled something about “inspecting the product,” so I ignored it and took the TV home.

Of course when I get home, the first thing I noticed was that the directions were for a completely different TV, and the stand they gave me did not go with the TV and the screws did not go with the stand. I would have had better luck putting a TV together with gum and twist ties. So I went in to the store and inspected the TV’s there and discovered that they gave me a stand for a different brand of TV. Luckily I actually knew one of the night shift guys so he gave me a spare stand.

But when I put it together the next morning and turned the TV on, in one corner there was something that resembled the Milky Way Galaxy. Now mind you, I know I did not crack it, since the TV had never left the box since I couldn’t put it on the stand since they gave me the wrong stand. I was beginning to think this was bad TV karma for leaving our monster TV out in front of a dumpster. After playing phone tag with the manufacturer and telling them my problem, they told me to take the TV back to Best Buy, where they would send it back. When I get to Best Buy, they of course tell me that the manufacturers don’t cover screen damage, which means there is some lady at the manufacturer’s office having a good laugh. They directed me to customer service to see what they could do. Now at this point, I was ready to take the next person I saw and hold them hostage in the music section and make them listen to Justin Bieber until they hauled me off to jail (at least the TV’s there are already set up).

But then I temporarily forgot about that because the girl who helped me was really pretty. Plus, instead of immediately ignoring me, she actually listened to me explain my story, which is more than I can say about most women. She then went to her manager and pleaded my case and voila! They exchanged my TV at no charge, which makes me think that they know that they originally gave me a Big Box O’ Random TV Parts. The nice girl opened the box in front of me, tested out the TV to make sure this one worked, repacked it nicely, and sent me out the door. So wherever that girl is, thank you for saving me from going to prison. And unless he likes Justin Bieber, one of your employees should thank you too.